college

hi all.

another four months! are we surprised?

i've been a little busy moving five hours away to start college. it's 3:22 AM, so clearly my sleeping habits haven't improved, but in every other way... i have. before i left for school, so many people told me that they changed the most their freshman year of college, and i thought the same as most eighteen year olds, BS. and i discovered the same as most eighteen year olds, i was wrong.

i've heard of a lot of my friends back home struggling this first semester, and i want everyone to know that this is not meant to brag. i've had my fair share of breakdowns up here, but i'm lucky enough to have so many people to lean on. and i owe them a huge thank you.

i'm not telling any of them i'm writing this, but they've all secretly stalked my website so hopefully they find it. how cool would it be if they were 37 years old or something and stumbled upon this.

in no particular order:

jack (jackson) foley - the most comforting soul on the planet. jack gives the best hugs and somehow gives even better massages. he will drop anything for anyone at anytime and is always the first to sense if i'm struggling or stressed or need someone to talk to. he's a lady killer but we all love him for it. jack also has reminded me of my worth too many times so i'm hoping eventually it sticks. i love you.

emma mechels - it's ironic because the first night i met emma, she captioned an Instagram post with me saying "the sweetest soul <3" when really that's her. seriously guys, she's a real life angel. she has never been mean to me once and has such a pure heart. we all joke at how much of a chatterbox she is but she tells the best stories and i don't ever get sick of hearing them (unless i'm four hours into homework) people like emma are rare, so i gotta make sure i hold this one tight. i love you.

noah schetnan - noah is one of the few people in my life that i instantly just clicked with. we get each other. the same humor, the same frustrations. he makes me laugh harder than anyone with his remarks and quirkiness. noah is so smart. he somehow always knows the right thing to do, and is just as much a life coach as a best friend. i love you.

aaliyah elfstrom - aaliyah and i live the same lives in two different bodies. we have shared the same struggles with academic stress, boys (yuck), and life in general. she really, really cares about me. she always asks me if i want to eat, if i want to study, if i need to talk. she loves asking me about my photography and videography and will most likely be the first to find this if any of them ever do. i don't think she knows how much her caring about my passion means to me. i get really insecure that it bores people, but she makes me feel cool. i love you.

elise eckert - elise is the smartest person i have ever met. she is 18 years old (technically 4 because she is a leap year baby which makes her even more unique and cool) and is graduating college next year. insane. and i am so proud of her. she is so articulate with everything she says, but still knows how to have so much fun, and manages to have the most interesting life ever. if she were to write a book about herself she would literally have 40 things she could write about and all of them would still be so intriguing to read. she has so much worth and i hope she never forgets that. i love you.

there's emily, who is always down for a good time and our biggest liability. ian, the big D1 athlete of the friend group who is so humble and kind. raquel, who is so darn funny and has the coolest raspiest voice ever. thomas, the big teddy bear who always asks how my day was. there's kenzie and there's lauren and there's so many more and now it's 4:24 AM in the morning but i am still feeling so unbelievably blessed.

i had a really rough night tonight, until i looked around. people always say "i don't know what i'd do without them", but really guys, i don't know what i'd do without them.

i really hope they find this one day.

goodnight everyone,

mar